Outwitting the Office Hugger « Diversity Woman

Outwitting the Office Hugger

By Diversity Woman Staff on January 24, 2010 | Comments |

Dear DW,

What can I do about a boss who hugs? My boss (a woman) insists on hugging as a form of greeting. In all other respects, she’s great. Am I uptight or is she out of line?

Signed,

Prefers a Handshake

Dear Handshake,

If hugs are the norm in your workplace culture, your boss may not recognize your discomfort. Address the issue directly. In private, let her know you appreciate her warmth but you’d prefer a handshake or a simple smile and “Hello,” as a greeting.

Superiors and co-workers alike need to be cautious when it comes to workplace hugging. A hug alone isn’t cause for a sexual-harassment lawsuit. However, if the hugs continue after it’s been made clear they’re unwelcome, a sexual-harassment claim can be filed.

And boss-hugging may have other ramifications as well. Let’s say that one day the boss is doing her thing, hugging people, but she forgets to hug one person. That person could be offended and think that the boss is playing favorites. Another lawsuit? Potentially, but more likely it can lead to hurt feelings and erode workplace trust and cohesion.

If addressing the issue with your boss doesn’t end the hugs (or if you feel you’re now being “punished” for having asked the hugs to end), consult with your Human Resources department.

Hugs (just kidding),

D.W.

P.S. Here’s a Tip for How To Avoid The Hug

When you suspect a hug is coming, preempt it. Cross your left hand across your chest and clasp just below your right shoulder. Extend your right hand to shake hands.

Avoiding the hug: Etiqutte expert Sindy Martin: HYPERLINK “mailto:smartin@campuspartners.com” smartin@campuspartners.com and HYPERLINK “http://www.smartininternational.com/” http://www.smartininternational.com/

Ken Melton, Practical HR Solutions: HYPERLINK “http://www.practicalhrsolutions.net” www.practicalhrsolutions.net, HYPERLINK “mailto:kmelton@practicalhrsolutions.net” kmelton@practicalhrsolutions.net, 336.288.0582

HYPERLINK “http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/103549/To-Hug-or-Not-to-Hug” http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/103549/To-Hug-or-Not-to-Hug

http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/getting-our-arms-around-touchy/story.aspx?guid={A36225A5-5A55-457C-81C0-AC6691CCF792}&siteid=yahoomy

HYPERLINK “http://www.brown.edu/Administration/EEO-AA/sexbroch.html” http://www.brown.edu/Administration/EEO-AA/sexbroch.html

HYPERLINK “http://www.andreakay.com/personal/art_5049.htm” http://www.andreakay.com/personal/art_5049.htm

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lime_lightdesigns10

I'm not a hugger either. I prefer to shake hands or wave at those whose hands look filthy. lol.

Telling your boss that you dislike their hugs could be very difficult. I agree friendly and fun tone when telling them. Grab their hand afterwards and give it a friendly shake to let them know that you're on good terms.

Now if I could only get rid of the online huggers so easily... With their <hugs>... at the end of every message. How do you explain to these guys that you're not into hugging or <hugging> ! :P

Olalah

Sometimes hugs are in the workplace are one part company culture and one part geography. In other words, some cities lend themselves to more socialized behavior, like hugging. When I moved to North Carolina from Chicago, it was quite the culture shock when, at the end of a business meeting, one of the people grabbed and hugged me. It's a slippery slope sometimes, for the hugger and the huggee.

Mallary Tytel

HI, it is always tricky going against the norm in the workplace, but I think it is well worth making your preferences known in an appropriate and direct way. At my last company it was the end of the year and I was the new boss. An employee came into my office to wish me happy holidays and give me a cheerful hug. In a friendly voice I said simply that I was not a hugger and how about a warm and hardy handshake. That did the trick for us both without anyone taking offense, being embarassed or having to do something uncomfortable. Aside from all the legal and social implications of hugging in the workplace (particularly involving the boss), I really am not a hugger. Word spread quickly and whenever the subject came up I was the first one to laugh. Most importantly, there was no more hugging.

Outwitting the Office Hugger

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