Lisa Grotts, a business etiquette expert based in San Francisco, gives an example of just how important knowledge of dining etiquette can be in the professional context. “A few years back, my husband took out a college graduate for lunch to interview him for a sales position,” she says. “The young man ordered a big business meal no-no: linguine.” True to the warnings about how difficult long pasta can be to eat tidily, the hopeful interviewee splashed it all over himself. “My husband didn’t hire him; it was clear he didn’t have the boardroom polish that was needed to handle sales.”

“You don’t need to be rich or come from the ‘right background’ to have good table manners,” emphasizes Grotts, founder of the ALM Group, an etiquette and protocol consulting firm. “Knowledge of dining dos and don’ts is simply another job skill you need to acquire.”

Getting Started

First of all, when is it appropriate to do a business meal? According to Lydia Ramsey, a business etiquette expert based in Savannah, Georgia, business meals can be arranged “once you have established a relationship with a client or customer that you want to take a little further.” They can also be conducted with out-of-town guests you’re meeting for the first time. Usually executives, managers, or salespeople, those who are trying to cement a relationship, close a deal, or make a sale, extend the invitation.

Don’t limit your business entertaining to lunches or receptions. Breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea or coffee, and dinner all present occasions for meeting with business acquaintances outside the office. If it’s lunch, though, never say “let’s do lunch.” “It’s tacky and unprofessional,” asserts Grotts.

If you’re playing the host, ask your guests what types of food they like—or don’t like—and choose a restaurant accordingly, where you know the food and service are good and the atmosphere is conducive to conversation. Make arrangements ahead of time to pay for the bill. Wait until everyone has been served to bring up business.

If you’re the guest, order dishes in a moderate price range and wait for your host to start discussing business, even if it doesn’t happen until later in the conversation—or doesn’t happen at all. Be sure to send a handwritten note the next day to thank him or her.

Ordering the Right Thing

Aside from snaky pastas, what else should you avoid ordering at a business meal? “Anything you’re not really sure how to eat,” says Ramsey, president of Manners that Sell. “It’s not the time to try escargots, for example.” Other no-nos? Anything you must eat with your hands, like lobster or shrimp with tails. Even sandwiches can be problematic, unless they have easy-to-chew meat like turkey or tuna. Burgers? Too messy.

Sadly, anything with melted, stringy cheese needs to be stricken from the menu as well. That means the likes of French onion soup and pizza. “The cheese is messy and turns into chewing gum in your mouth,” says Ramsey. Stick to grilled meats or a salad. Besides being safe, you get the added benefit of eating healthy!

As to alcohol, follow a general rule: Don’t order it. A business meal is not the time to start getting tipsy; too much can go wrong. “If your host orders wine, and you do drink, just accept one glass to be polite, and sip it little by little so it doesn’t get refilled,” Ramsey suggests.

Navigating the Equipment

The first thing to do when you sit down is immediately put your napkin in your lap. Overwhelmed by the array of flatware before you? As the various courses come, use your utensils from the outside in, starting with the soupspoon on the far right and the salad fork on your far left. Don’t panic: Your glass is to the right above your knife; your bread and butter plate is on the left, above your fork.

Dining Abroad

“International dining protocol is country-specific, and cultural nuances are vast,” emphasizes Grotts. The businessperson traveling abroad therefore needs to bone up by reading books or working with business etiquette consultants.

A few helpful tips will get you started. First, learn the difference between American and Continental styles of eating, the latter of which is used in Europe. In the American style, you hold the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right to cut your food. When you’ve finished cutting, you put the knife on your plate and switch the fork to your right hand to take the food to your mouth.

To indicate you’re resting, place your knife horizontally at the top of your plate, blade facing in. Place the fork in the lower right-hand portion of your plate, tines up. When you have finished, bring the knife down to rest beside the fork in the lower right-hand corner.

When you eat Continental style, you keep the fork in your left hand and take the food to your mouth with the tines down. It’s not necessary to place the knife on the plate while taking food to your mouth. If you are resting or are finished, the fork is placed in the lower left-hand corner of the plate with the tines down. The knife is in the lower right.

Whichever style you start with, stick with it. “It’s not acceptable to switch midmeal,” says Ramsey.

Some specifics should be kept in mind, too. In China, always leave something on your plate when you’re finished; otherwise the waiter will keep filling it up. If you use chopsticks (many restaurants will offer silverware, so use that if you’re not good with chopsticks), don’t stick them in the bowl with the ends pointing up. “It’s a sign of death,” warns Ramsey. Instead, set them in the rests on the table.

In Japan, be prepared for smaller portions, and know that it’s rude to ask for second helpings. Gear up for a breakfast of rice, seaweed, pickled vegetables, and dried fish.

In Great Britain, you’ll quickly learn that English is not always English. If you ask for a “napkin,” you’ll get a shocked stare.  You’ve just requested a sanitary pad. Request a “serviette”  (serv-ee-YET) instead. “High tea” or “supper” means the evening meal Americans call “dinner.” If you want the snacky repast of pastries and sandwiches, that’s “afternoon tea,” which is served between 3 and 6 p.m.

Managing the napkin, bread and butter, soup bowl, and passing of food are all arts of their own. The study of business meal etiquette can be extensive, but will be well worth the effort. “Learning the rules is about power and confidence, because it enables you to know how to do the right thing at all times,” concludes Gotts.

As for closing that deal? For that, you’re on your own. DW

Marguerite Rigoglioso is a freelance writer based in Northern California.

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1. Corporate Chess: Being Strategic for Career Success

“Our surveys and ROI studies demonstrate how, through mentoring, employees’ level of engagement and retention continues to rise,” says Jodi Davidson, in speaking about the Spirit of Mentoring IMPACT Program at Sodexo, a top provider of food and facilities management services with 10 million customers.

One of Allstate Insurance Company’s formal mentoring programs is Menttium, a cross-company program that brings together the most promising women from Fortune-ranked companies. Menttium matches talented mentees with executive mentors and provides them with a year of unique professional and personal development.

When mentoring goes well, it can be invaluable for mentors and mentees, as well as the organization at large.

Key goals for mentoring are to support and guide personal growth. The mentored person is in charge of his or her learning. Both parties participate as volunteers. The process is heavy on listening, being a role model, making suggestions, and providing connections.

With many successful mentoring relationships under her belt, Linda Honour, senior managing director of investment technology at Allstate Investments, LLC, reminds us, “When mentoring is legislated, getting the right fit is important. When the fit is not there, it can be tough.”

Daphne Mobley, whose career journey took her from the laboratory as a doctor of veterinary medicine to the C-suite as a chief diversity officer, points out that the most beneficial mentoring experiences are grounded in trust, rapport, and a general affinity between mentor and mentee. Mobley, now a motivational speaker, says, “Think less of the title and more about the relationship. If one mentor doesn’t work out, move on. There is always one that will.”

It isn’t just about people who are like you, either, adds Honour. “There are two sides to the equation.” There is huge value in helping others. There is also a big payback for mentors presented with the privilege of seeing life from another perspective. In mentoring a young woman from a different industry, Honour added to her knowledge bank.

While everyone seems to agree that mentoring is important, not everyone agrees on what it is. It’s best to keep it simple. Mentoring is about teaching and learning.

That is not to say the roles are mutually exclusive. Sometimes labels can be formulaic and narrow our opportunities. In fact, everyone is a teacher and a learner.

Simply put, whether formal or informal, mentoring is about relationships. Focus on people who hold positions you aspire to and have personal qualities you admire, or people who hold a view of the world you would like to see into more clearly.

Need a mentor? Ask a question. (Maybe even say something flattering.)

Learning can happen anywhere, and it can happen continuously. “Always keep your eyes open. Who is doing things that you admire? Ask questions. Pick their brain,” advises Honour. Randall Lane is senior director of global inclusion and diversity for Cisco Systems. Among his mentees is a woman who approached him by saying, “I want to do what you do. How did you get to where you are? Can you show me?”

Mentoring doesn’t necessarily require that the two parties be in the same location. Lane’s relationship with his protégé in San Jose, California, is a long-distance one, as Lane is based in Seattle. They typically meet for 45 to 60 minutes each week, and their meetings are often powered by TelePresence, Cisco’s “in-person” meeting platform that uses advanced visual, audio, and collaboration technology over a converged network.

Over the past year, Lane has seen this young woman blossom and gain self-confidence. Assessing the benefit of their relationship, he says, “She is beginning to look at new opportunities and bigger responsibilities that she previously didn’t believe she had the capacity to take on. My reward is knowing I had something small to do with it.”

Receive some good advice? Follow it.

Lucy Chan, director of growth markets and business development for IBM’s integrated account team at J. P. Morgan Chase, calls mentoring a remake of a life survival skill. Alone in the United States at the age of 16, from Hong Kong, she had to rely on the guidance of the adults she met. She turned strangers into mentors.

Early in her career, Chan attended Up Close and Personal Day at IBM. There she listened intently as the speaker advised the largely female audience to pamper themselves and celebrate their successes.

As odd as that sounded to a woman from an impoverished childhood, Chan took the advice and gave herself permission to recognize her self-worth. She put into practice the idea of treating herself in some way to mark each milestone she hit. “Generosity begins with self,” she says. “You cannot be generous with others if you don’t believe you are yourself deserving.”

Lily Tang is an executive coach and consultant who has advised Fortune 500 companies around the world.

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“A gender-diverse board signals the right tone at the top and the importance that a company places on creating a successful work environment for all employees,” says Ilene Lang, president of Catalyst.  Moreover, this study shows that what’s good for women is good for business. Simply put, more women on corporate boards correlate with more women in the c-suite and better financial performance—a real win/win for companies, shareholders, and talented women seeking companies that support their advancement.

For more information, go to Catalyst’s Advancing Women Leaders: The Connection Between Women Board Directors and Women Corporate Officers

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Here’s how you can master the game of Corporate Chess.

Master the rules. Corporate rules are a complex set of formal and informal guidelines that stem from historical practices, industry norms, and company culture. The tricky part is that these rules are rarely discussed openly and therefore are most often understood through observation and informal communication. Even trickier is the rules “adjustment”—filtering corporate rules through the lens of race and gender, which is necessary because corporate rules are applied differently to multicultural women than to their white male, white female, and ethnic male counterparts.

The final hurdle for women of color is the process of balancing the corporate rules with the cultures that influence their lives at home. The gap between the two can be considerable. Such issues include the role of women in the workplace, the proper form of address to elders, clothing styles, and communication norms. When these cultural views collide with corporate rules, unprepared multicultural women may find their performance negatively affected.

Dropping the “one size fits all” approach and being willing to adjust styles to match shifting environments can help women of color successfully navigate the multiple layers of culture in which they operate.

Understand the players. It’s easy to see how colleagues at work are like chess pieces: your boss, the mighty queen; your ambitious co-worker, the knight who jumps spaces; your sponsor, the powerful but protected king; and the other employees, pawns. But building and maintaining relationships with co-workers are decidedly more challenging tasks—and essential ones. Inviting co-workers to grab a cup of coffee or to eat lunch together is a low-risk way to get to know them. Similarly, sharing information about a book you recently read, a sporting event you attended, or an entertainment experience—nothing too personal—will help others get to know more about you (or at least feel as if they do).

Play to win. Winning in the corporate world starts with a well-planned strategy. It involves understanding your company’s culture, building relationships with your supervisor and colleagues, and developing a professional, authentic image and communication style, undergirded by excellent performance. Because each is done against the dual backdrop of the organization and your culture, it is important to synthesize the two as you grow professionally. Consistent execution of this strategy will move you closer to mastering corporate chess.

Jessica Faye Carter, chief executive officer of Nette Media, is a technology and diversity strategist for companies and nonprofit organizations. She is the author of Double Outsiders: How Women of Color Can Succeed in Corporate America.

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